This is a transcript for the "Hailey's On It!" episode "Smother Knows Best".
[panting]
[yelling] You'll never catch me!
[Frank squawks]
- [panting] - [honks and squawks loudly]
Run her down! Bite her butt!
Can you hear me, birdbrain?
- [squawks in annoyance] - Ahhh! Ow!
Yes. Yes, you can.
Hailey, what is going on?
I could hear you shouting
- over the blender. - [Hailey] Oh.
Frank's just helping me prep for the annual Running of the Goats
- at Cowpoke Corral today. - [Frank honks]
That sounds... specific.
- So, is Scott going with you? - Ugh!
Is that what I look like when I roll my eyes?
Ugh. Anyway.
Ever since my mom found out about my feelings for Scott,
she brings him up every chance she gets,
saying she just wants to "help."
- I just want to help. - [Hailey] There it is.
Oh, Patricia, you rookie. Good luck.
I've been trying to get Hailey to share her feelings
with Scott for months.
Mom, can we not talk about this now? Or ever?
I've heard that before.
- [Frank honks] - Excuse me a second.
[Beta] Hey!
Okay, I admit I've been bringing up Scott a lot lately,
but it's only because I can't believe
my little girl has a crush.
- It seems like only yesterday... - Here we go.
- [babbles and laughs] - [Patricia] I helped you take
your first steps.
[shrieks]
I helped you on your first day of school.
[shrieks]
And I helped you fix
your first so-called "haircut."
[giggles]
And now look at you.
A young lady with sufficiently tolerable hair...
- Wait, what? - And a crush on her best friend.
Just know that I've been where you are, honey.
I've had crushes, plenty of them.
I mean, Fabian, from my study abroad program,
- taught me more in four months than I... - Hold up. Who?
Nevermind. Long story short,
Scott's a great dude, and I am totes shipping you guys.
Please don't say "shipping."
And I know those hormones are really kicking in now.
Please don't say "hormones."
So, let me help you make your game really slap.
Please stop saying all those words!
Mom, I appreciate you trying to help,
but I'll figure out this Scott stuff
- by myself. - What "Scott stuff"?
- [gasps] - Your favorite pizza topping.
- The name of your first pet! - Easy. Pickles and... Pickles,
which makes it easy to always remember my security password,
- "Pickles." Ahhh! - [Frank squawks]
Oh, hi, Goat Frank.
Meet Goat Scott.
[squawks in fear]
[squawking and honking]
- [objects crashing] - [giggles]
- [squawking continues] - This is the Scott you like, right?
Just checking there's not another Scott, like from AP science class?
- Mom! - No, he's great. Just making sure.
Oh, man, I could totally be a goat.
I'd be the GOAT of goats!
And what if I had a goatee?
[mimicking soft explosion]
Anyhoo, it's a long bike ride to Cowpoke Corral,
- so we'd better get going. - About that.
I kind of crashed my bike doing epic,
though ultimately unsuccessful, wheelies in the car wash.
Sick move!
- Argh! - [objects clattering]
[groaning in pain]
- Again? - Turns out soap is slippery.
- That's okay. We can take the bus. - Or I can take you.
We can even listen to the new Seoul M8s album on the way.
- Oh, I don't think... - What a great idea.
Thanks, Mrs. B.
[♪ upbeat K-pop music playing over car speakers]
Sorry that other seat belt is broken
and you two have to sit so close to each other.
Yeah. Looks like somebody cut it.
Why can't we use the front seat?
Hailey, you know that seat is for my purse.
[♪ music continues]
You were right, Mrs. B. This album is sick!
You don't like it? Wait, no, "sick" means good.
I remember. I'm sick too.
I'm so sick, I'm contagious.
[softly] Oh, jeez.
- [tires screeching] - [grunts]
Whoopsie!
- [tires screeching] - [grunts]
- Red light! - [Patricia] I got it.
[tires screeching]
[♪ K-pop song continues playing loudly over car speakers]
[car honks]
Oh, blow it out your piehole, lady!
- [song fades and stops] - Sheesh, could Patricia be
any more obvious with this Scott stuff?
Good thing ding-dong over here is as clueless as ever.
Oh, my Keith Bar!
Scott, they stopped making those three years ago.
Pretty sweet, huh?
And it's barely opened. Want half?
- Aw. - It's trash candy, Mom, relax!
Finally! Okay, Mom. See ya!
[car door opens and closes]
Well, you two have fun. Without me.
Guess I'll just wait here in the parking lot.
- Alone. - Wait a minute.
Mrs. B, you drove all this way.
- You should join us. - [car door opens]
- No! I mean... - [car door closes]
She's probably really busy.
Those houses aren't gonna sell themselves.
Actually, I took the day off, so I could have plenty of time
with you two... [hesitantly] Lovely kids.
Don't worry, sweetie.
You won't even notice I'm here.
[camera shutter clicks]
[slurping]
Scooch in you two, and wave to the camera.
This video could be the highlight of some very special occasion someday.
[yelling] Mom! Enough!
You've been up in my business all day.
I don't even want you here.
Can you please just leave me alone?
[gulping]
I just wanted to help. [groans]
Another round of sarsaparilla, Ms. Maggie.
I just don't want her to make the same mistakes I made.
Repeatedly.
Does that make me overbearing?
- Well, I... - Exactly!
It doesn't. She's the one being unreasonable. Am I right?
- I mean... - Yes!
Of course! You get it.
Hit me again!
- Uh, maybe you should... - You're right.
Maybe I should let Hailey come to me when she's ready.
That's some good advice, Mags.
You're welcome. I guess.
They're releasing the goats any minute!
Where's your mom? She's going to miss it.
Well, she hasn't left us alone all day, so that's fine by me.
I think it's pretty great that she wants to spend time with you, Hails.
She even took off work for you.
My mom is hardly ever able to do that.
You're really lucky.
[scoffing] Yeah, well, I guess I never thought about it that way.
- [cowbell clanging] - [giggles wildly]
Heehaw Monkeypaw!
Gather around, varmints, and protect your soft bits.
Because it's time for the Running of the Goats!
Ooh, they're releasing the beasts!
This is what we trained for, people!
[bleating]
[bleating continues]
- Aw. - This is what we trained for?
Then why did I buy an $80 goat mask?
- They're so cute. - [wristband beeping]
- [bleating] - Hey, Beta, get a picture of me.
Make it look like I'm running for my life.
- Ack, shoo, you dumb babies! - [bleats]
Stop loving on me!
- I am not your snuggle buddy. - [bleats]
- Beta, be nice. - [bleating]
They are adorable.
[bleating and chewing]
So help me if I find one poop pellet in here later.
- [bleats] - And why are we stuck
with these mini mongrels anyway?
Where are the big ones?
I guess there aren't any big ones.
Did someone say they wanted the big ones?
- Well, here you go! [chortles] - [ground rumbling]
- [gasps and grunts] - [bleating angrily]
- [gasps] - [bleats in fear]
- [gasps] - [bleating ferociously]
Heh-heh! Now we're talking.
[bleating]
[bleating angrily]
[all bleating]
[snorts angrily]
Hey, goaty-goaty. [chuckles nervously]
Fun fact, I met a yoga goat once.
[snorts angrily]
You guys related?
- No? Well, it definitely... - [bleats angrily]
seems like you could use some yoga.
[thudding]
- [snorts and bleats] - [bell clanging]
- Well, I've learned my lesson. - [snoring softly]
My little Hailey doesn't need my help.
- [Hailey screaming] Help! - Heh?
[gulps] I'm coming for you, baby girl!
- [saloon door opens and closes] - Oh? Hey, wait!
Th... That's too much!
You know what? I've earned this.
You know what? You woke up and chose v*olence today.
And that's on you.
I will not hurt you.
Just... Okay, please don't hit any vital organs!
[snorts and bleats]
- Get away from my baby. [growls angrily] - Mom!
[bleats angrily]
[screeches loudly]
That's right. I'm not afraid of you.
This mama's running on high fructose corn syrup and adrenaline,
- and I ain't going nowhere. - [grunts and growls]
- [snorts] - [goat continues growling]
[both growling]
- [baby goat in bag bleats] - [gasps softly]
- [baby goat bleats] - Wait. What was that?
[bleats]
It's one of the baby goats I fed earlier.
He must have crawled in.
That's why this goat was so upset.
- She's just being protective. - [bleats sadly]
Moms will do some crazy things to help their little ones.
[bleats joyfully]
I see you, Mama. Respect.
- [adult goat bleats] - [bleats]
Mom, you literally just saved my life,
and I have been nothing but mean to you all day.
I am so sorry.
Honey, I want to apologize to you.
You're getting older,
and it's only natural for you to want more space.
I just have to get used to the fact that
you don't need me as much anymore.
I'm always gonna need you, Mom.
Yeah?
Good. Because I'll be right here. Always.
- Love you, Mom. - Love you more, sweetie.
Okay. I'm gonna give you that space, starting now.
I'll be in the car, with maybe a couple more sarsaparillas
- for the road. - [goats bleating in the distance]
[Scott shouting] Can someone help me off this pole?
- [Hailey] Scott? - [bleating continues]
Hold on! I'm coming!
- [bleating angrily] - [mimicking angry bleating]
[all bleating in fear]
Well, now I'm torn.
It's a pretty sweet view up here.
- [wings flapping] - [clanks]
- [squawks ferociously] - [exclaims in fear] No, I'm coming down.
I changed my mind.
I would not be the GOAT of goats.
I'd be the worst of all time,
the WOAT of goats.
I should write these down.
Hey, where's Beta?
Now this is what I'm talking about.
- Giddy-up, big daddy! - [bleats]
- Yee-haw! - [eagle screeches]
Feel free to add on to this transcript and all others.