This is a transcript for the Hailey's On It! episode "Frankly Fabulous".
[The "Hailey's On It!" theme song plays.]
[The episode begins with a brief shot of the Oceanside Lighthouse. On a pier, citizens going about their activities are interrupted by a disturbance. The off-key screeching of a whistle causes a group of birds being fed by a woman to fly away. Nearby, Chunk Banks jumps off his houseboat into the water to prevent the sound from coming to him.]
Chunk: Whoa!
[Scott stands on the pier and plays the recorder off-key. He wears a black hat. Next to him, Hailey plays the accordion. Next to them are two microphones stood on their stands. Hailey stops playing.]
Hailey: Scott, that's the wrong end.
Scott: [stops playing instrument] Really?
[Confused, he puts the front end of the recorder to his rear. Hailey takes the recorder and puts the back end toward him.]
Scott: Oh, that end. Ha. Thanks!
[Hailey plays a note on the accordion.]
Hailey: Come on, folks! Support the arts!
[A man runs away as Scott and Hailey continue on their instruments. Beta pops up from Hailey's backpack.]
Beta: Your definition of [rips out stuffing from Hailey's backpack] "the arts" is incredibly [plugs his ears with the stuffing] loose.
Hailey: "Make a hundred dollars busking on the pier" shouldn't be this hard.
Scott: Maybe it needs to be louder.
[He lowers to adjust the sound settings. His mother shouts from offscreen.]
Sunny: No! [walks to them] Please stop. Consider it an early birthday gift to me. [chuckles]
Scott: Oh, that's right! It's your birthday this weekend!
Sunny: Yep. Twenty-nine-ish again.
[A family exits the restaurant. Darryl walks behind them, imitating a dog and holding a paper bag customized as a dog.]
Sunny: Darryl, a doggie bag is for to-go food. It's not an actual dog. [approaches him] Darryl!
Hailey: I think we just need to find a better spot. Frank, let's pack up. Frank!
[Frank emerges from underneath a blue blanket a small distance away from them. He shakes off earmuffs and squawks.]
Stereo voice: I think you said "Play 'Squawk Squawk' by Lady Goo-Goo."
[Music plays from the stereo. Frank stands and begins to perform dance moves to the beat of the song.]
Song: Squawk, squawk
Rock the flock
I see your lips move
Now walk the walk
Finna get messy [Hailey and Scott are surprised]
Drop the mop
Callin' my besties
Squawk, squawk
[The song continues as Hailey and Scott stand, astounded.]
Hailey: Whoa, check out Frank! I didn't know he could dance.
[Frank continues to dance in rhythm to the music as a small crowd gathers. One girl places a one-dollar bill in the hat on the ground next to Hailey and Scott. Hailey excitedly pushes her accordion to Scott and joins Frank. She dances in sync with him. More people cheer and leave money in the hat. Sunny comes out and begins to spin a U.F. Dough arrow sign.]
Sunny: If you like that, folks, you'll love two-for-one space sludgies and bottomless wings [Scott joins Hailey and Frank] from U.F. Dough!
[The three finish their dance. Cut to Hailey's bed in her room. Hailey lays on the bed and counts the money they made. Frank sits on the bed, and Scott sits next to the bed, feeding Frank some Dingles. Beta stands next to the bed.]
Hailey: Way to go, Frank. We made way more than a hundred bucks!
Scott: I'm gonna use my share to get my mom's birthday present!
Beta: What makes you think you get a share of the money Frank made?
Scott: It's my finder's fee. I found him [he takes out a Dingle chip from the tube for Frank] these shrimp chips.
[Frank eats the chip.]
Scott: Now I just have to figure out what to get my mom.
[Frank sticks his head into the tube of Dingles.]
Scott: What do you get the mom who has everything?
Beta: A break from your buffoonery?
[Hailey holds the money.]
Hailey: I wanna buy Frank something special, too. [pets Frank] If only there was a way to know what he'd like.
[Frank squawks and clicks some keys on Hailey's laptop. He shows the screen to her.]
Scott: Guess he wants computer lessons!
Hailey: No, he wants that sparkly [a glimmering multicolored vest is shown on the screen] vest!
[Frank squawks and nods.]
Beta: I'm guessing it's not a coincidence that my calculations [the next list item is shown on his screen] now say our next list item is: "Win a medal at the Oceanside Bird Show".
Scott: Hailey, you've always wanted to do that!
Hailey: I know! I've just never had a bird special enough. But now [holds Frank's head] I have the most special bird of all!
[Outside, one bird stands outside the door of one of Hailey's birdhouses. The bird chirps and enters, then shuts the door. Cut to the Oceanside Convention Center, where the bird show is being held. Hailey, Scott, and Frank enter and see different bird-themed stands. Beta sits in Hailey's open backpack.]
Scott: Ooh! A bird gift shop. I bet I can find something for my mom in there! Beta, [he gives Beta a cone filled with nuts] hold my honey nuts.
[He goes off to the gift shop. As Hailey and Frank walk ahead, Beta throws the honey nuts into a nearby trash can. They walk to another area of the bird show. Hailey sniffs, then coughs and covers her mouth.]
Hailey: Not sure why I did that. Birds don't smell good.
Parrot: You're one to talk!
[Zoom out to show a tall boy holding a parrot.]
Boy: I'm so sorry. Don't be offended, that's his only trick.
Parrot: You're one to talk!
[The boy walks away with the parrot. Hailey sniffs underneath her armpit, then shrugs. Frank shrugs. They walk backstage.]
Hailey: Holy birdbath.
[One man's bird, wearing a suit identical to the man, chirps a music note. Two pelicans partake in a fast-paced chess match. They move their pieces with their beaks. A woman's owl is perched next to an easel and a canvas. A painting of an owl has been drawn by the owl, who holds a paintbrush in its beak. The judge, next to them,shakes her head and walks away. The owl rotates its head nearly fully around and looks at its owner, who disappointedly looks down.]
Beta: Hm, we sure Frank can win this competition? Every one of these birds has a higher IQ than Scott. [chuckles; gets no response] I'll try that joke again when Scott's here. Anyway, I'm not liking our odds. I think we need a little insurance policy.
[Beta jumps out of Hailey's backpack and rolls away.]
Hailey: Beta, where are you going? Beta?
[Frank squawks as he sees a blue peacock ahead of them.]
Hailey: Wow. That is one beautiful bird.
[Frank and the peacock both squawk upon seeing each other. They go and circle each other, then stand across from each other.]
Hailey: You two know each other?
[A tall, burly man walks on the peacock's side.]
Man: If it isn't Frank the failure.
[He spits on the ground. Afraid, Frank hides behind Hailey.]
Hailey: Excuse me, that's my bird. Who are you? And how do you know Frank?
Man: I know every bird in this town. My name's Chuck. Chuck Power. Oceanside's premier bird trainer.
[The peacock stands behind Chuck Power.]
Man: Frank trained with me for a time, 'til he became too big of a distraction to my [fade to a flashback of the peacock outside] prized peacock, Petey.
[Petey rolls in the grass and spreads his feathers. Frank farts. Petey puts his feathers down and laughs. Frank walks to him and farts thrice more. Chuck approaches them.]
Chuck: Hey, hey, hey, no, no, just stop that! No more silly business! You are show birds! [gestures toward Frank] Well, maybe you aren't. No, [Frank bears a pained expression] you're just a bad influence.
[Later, Chuck shuts the doors to a pet shelter truck driving Frank away. Petey sadly watches. Frank's sad reflection is shown. End flashback.]
Chuck: Best decision I ever made, let me tell ya. Petey is finally the perfect bird, and we're gonna win this here competition because we are champions.
Hailey: Well, Frank is a champion, too.
[Chuck laughs at them, then coughs briefly.]
Chuck: Oh, show 'em what a real champion is, Petey.
[Petey hesitates.]
Chuck: Now!
[Petey walks forward and gracefully leaps from one side to another twice. He spins on one leg with his feathers on the ground and spreads his wings. Hailey and Frank look at each other.]
Chuck: You see, there's a certain way things are done at this bird show, and your sad excuse for a bird ain't it. Best of luck, you'll need it!
[He walks away and leads Petey to follow him. Petey looks at Hailey and Frank and whimpers. Cut to the bird gift shop. Scott is surrounded by shelves containing merchandise of multiple different bird species. He takes out his phone and starts a video call with Becker.]
Becker: [over the phone] Talk to me.
Scott: I found something for Mom!
[Becker is sitting in a purple chair.]
Becker: [over the phone] Doubtful. The woman literally has everything.
Scott: What about… [he holds up a cuckoo clock designed as an owl] this?
Becker: [over the phone] That's awesome! It reminds me of [she moves her screen to many identical owl clocks on the wall] this.
Scott: [sets the clock down] Ugh. How could I forget about her collection of rare Strawberry Moon owl cuckoo clocks?
Becker: [over the phone] I'm reminded of them every hour.
[The tongues of the owl clocks stick out as the hourly cuckoo alarm sounds. At the same time, the same happens to the owl clock next to Scott, and to the owls on the call in the gift shop. Cut back to Hailey at the show. She briefly peeks through the curtain and sees the bird show's judge writing on her clipboard.]
Hailey: [to Frank] Not that I'm worried or anything, but do you maybe have any other skills besides your dance?
[Frank gags and makes to release a ball of his feathers.]
Hailey: Not a feather ball!
[Frank swallows the feather ball.]
Hailey: Okay, Frank, what do you think about making just a few adjustments?
[Frank hesitates, then nods. Hailey pats his head. After watching someone comb the wing of their bird, Hailey licks her hand and rubs it through the feathers on Frank's head. They puff up, and a frowning Hailey uses some gel to style them smoothly down the back of his head. After a bit, Hailey smiles, and Frank returns the smile. The suited man and bird practice their vocals. Hailey tries this, but Frank only farts. Hailey hides a smirk. They see a pelican stand straight with its chest puffed out. Frank tries this, and a small bit of his belly hangs. Hailey pushes it toward his abdomen, only for it to reveal again. Hailey remedies this by putting a gray shapewear over him. After everything is done, Hailey paces in front of Frank, who appears bothered. Hailey holds a pen and clipboard.]
Hailey: With your feathers gelled down, we should score some conformation points. Plus, replacing the dance should get us what we need in temperament. And your appearance is perfect in that shapewear, just like the other birds. We might actually have a chance to win this thing! [exclaims]
[She is surprised to see Scott standing in front of her with a mask of a different bird species on. Scott is still on the call with Becker.]
Scott: Look what I bought for Mom.
[Becker reaches and puts on an identical mask.]
Becker: [over the phone] Hope you kept the receipt.
Scott: How [removes the mask] does Mom already have that?
Becker: [over the phone] Mom's [lifts the mask] into some weird stuff, dude.
[The call ends.]
Scott: Where's Frank?
[Scott puts his phone in his pocket and tosses away the mask.]
Hailey: What do you mean? He's right here.
[Frank squawks next to Hailey.]
Scott: Whoa. I thought that was a smelly statue.
[Beta joins them. He is dressed as a penguin, completely in black except for his white chest and abdomen. He wears a bow tie and has a yellowish-gold beak attached to his screen. His ears are not visible, and his feet, colored the same as the beak, are shaped like those of a penguin.]
Beta: These birds look like the have higher IQs than you, Scott! [laughs] Oh, now the timing is all off.
Hailey: Beta, why are you dressed like a skunk?
Beta: Wha- I am a [walks forward] penguin. And it's because the list item is to win this thing. I'll show these dumb birds how it's done. You can thank me later.
[Frank squawks. Beta goes to the other side of the curtain where the judge is.]
Judge: We have a late entry into the competition.
[In the area is a heavy barbell. Beta approaches it.]
Judge: Beta the penguin and his [Beta jumps onto the barbell] "Feats of Strength".
[Beta flexes and grunts, then moves under the barbell and tries to lift it. Upon failing, he tries to push it from one side, then moves to the other side and lifts it. His grunting and straining is audible throughout this. The end of the barbell he lifted falls on his foot. Pained, he waddles to the other end of the barbell.]
Beta: Ow, ow, ow, ow.
[He tries to pull the barbell toward him, but pulls off one of the heavy plates, which falls on him.]
Beta: I wuv you.
Judge: [unimpressed] Thank you. I've seen enough.
[Beta waddles backstage.]
Beta: Good luck. That judge is crooked.
[Chuck walks to them with Petey.]
Chuck: So I see you got a whole flock o' losers!
[He laughs and coughs again. Frank waves his wing to Petey. Petey spreads his feathers.]
Chuck: [angrily] Petey!
[Petey retracts his feathers.]
Chuck: How dare you expose yourself like that? What if the judges saw you bein' all, all, uh, silly and feather-y? You should be ashamed.
Hailey: Whoa. Chuck is such a jerk!
Parrot: You're one to talk!
[Hailey and Scott look and see the parrot. Its owner comes, smiles nervously, and takes the parrot away.]
Hailey: Is that parrot right? Have I turned into Chuck?
Scott: No, you still have your glasses and long hair, and- oh, you meant metaphorically. Then yeah, kinda.
[Shame is written on Hailey's face. She lowers to Frank.]
Hailey: I'm so sorry, Frank. I shouldn't have tried to change you into some forced version of perfect. You are perfect, just the way you are. [she ruffles his head feathers back to their typical shape] I mean, were.
[Frank smiles and farts. Hailey laughs and hugs him.]
Judge: Next up, Frank the flamingo.
[Hailey opens the curtain wide for her and Frank. She nods to Frank. Chuck stands, watching. The judge adjusts her glasses. Frank squawks twice, then the stage lights turn off. They turn back on soon enough, and Frank is now wearing the multicolored vest that Hailey bought for him. Lady Goo-Goo's "Squawk Squawk" plays in the background, and Frank once again dances to the music. Chuck begins to laugh at Frank, then coughs.]
Chuck: He blew it! Just like we knew he would, right, Petey? [chuckles once] Uh, uh, [zoom out to show Petey is not near him] Petey?
[Back onstage, Petey has joined Frank. He bumps against him to get his attention. They then dance in perfect sync to the song. Hailey and Scott soon join them onstage and join them in dancing, imitating wings with their hands.]
Judge: This is… highly unusual! But [smiles] I love it!
[She stands on her desk and rips off her tie. She dances to a different song.]
Song: Call me baby
[As "Squawk Squawk" ends, the four onstage dance in sync, then end in different poses. Petey reveals his feathers. The judge walks to them.]
Judge: That dance awakened something inside of me. It's time we changed the way things are done around here!
Hailey: Does this mean Frank won Best In Show?
Judge: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. [chuckles] We still have rules. But I do think [pulls out a good medal from her suit] this deserves a new award.
[She puts the medal around Frank and Petey.]
Judge: "Best Freestyle Couples' Routine".
[Frank and Petey look at each other. Cut to Hailey and Scott exiting the stage with Frank and Petey. Chuck stands in front of them.]
Chuck: Congratulations, everyone! You all ruined this bird show. Sequins, silly dancing, and now shared awards? Sad!
Hailey: This bird show now celebrates anyone who wants to be themselves.
Chuck: I'll not have a bird of mine sharing anything! Sharing is for the birds. I- I mean, not these birds, not any birds! Sharing is stupid!
Parrot: You're one to talk!
[Without a word, the owner walks away with the parrot.]
Chuck: I will not [punches the fountain next to him] stand for this!
[The fountain topples over and spills water all over him. He grunts, then stands back up, soaked.]
Chuck: Petey, I'm taking you to the animal shelter, let's go. Now!
[Petey winces. Scott puts his hand in front of Petey.]
Scott: No. Petey can come live with me. [turns to Petey] If that's okay with you, Petey?
[Petey squawks four times, much higher in pitch in comparison to Frank's squawk.]
Scott: Wow, didn't know you did that. Maybe you can sleep in Becker's room.
Chuck: Whatever! Good riddance, to all o' you!
[He slips on the water on the ground, grunts, and lands on an open bag of birdseed. Some of the birdseed lands on him, and birds come and eat it off of him. He pushes away the birds and stands.]
Chuck: Well, at least I still have my dignity.
[He slips on the water again and falls to the ground. Birds come and peck at him. Chuck farts while on the ground. Scott and Hailey smile victoriously. Cut to the pier just outside U.F. Dough. Beta stands next to Hailey and Scott, still dressed as a penguin. Frank stands next to them in his sparkly vest. Sunny pets Petey, who stands in front of the others with Sunny. Becker stands behind Sunny.]
Sunny: Best birthday ever! And since peacocks eat bugs, Petey can help me with the restaurant's bug problem.
[The others show mildly disgusted expressions.]
Sunny: Ha, I'm kidding. He could never eat them all.
Scott: I'm just happy Petey has a forever home, next door to [Petey and Frank rub on each other] his best friend.
Hailey: Oh, I think they're more than friends.
[Frank and Petey squawk. Cut to the stereo, which lay in the same place next to Hailey's backpack.]
Stereo voice: I think you said "Play 'Squawk Squawk Screech Remix' by Lady Goo-Goo, featuring DJ Zaled.
Announcer: DJ Zaled!
[Hailey, Scott, Frank, and Petey dance to the song as Sunny and Becker stand and watch.]
Beta: Might as well get my money's worth out of this costume.
[Beta joins them in freestyle dancing. Sunny dances next to Becker.]
[Unknown]: Oh yeah!
[They continue dancing, and Petey spreads his feathers. Fade to black.]
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