This is a transcript for the Hailey's On It! episode "Catching Felines".
[The "Hailey's On It!" theme song plays.]
[The episode begins on a cliff. As Hailey backs up, she causes a segment to crumple off and fall into the water. The ocean water ripples against the rocky escarpment.]
Hailey: [screams] Scott, I'm scared.
[Hailey and Scott hold each other.]
Hailey: What if this is the end?
Scott: Hailey, if this is the end, I'm glad I'm with you.
Hailey: Me too.
[A shadow rises above them. They scream. Pause screen.]
Hailey: [narrating] Oh, here? We're starting at the end? Let's back up and start at the very beginning. All the way back to yesterday.
[The text 'YESTERDAY' appears onscreen. Cut to the Banks Residence. Inside Hailey's room, she and Scott sit on Hailey's ottoman. Scott uses a tablet. Beta stands in front.]
Hailey: Let's make the next list item an easy one, Beta. We have plans tomorrow.
[Beta stands, confused.]
Hailey: Namely, [she friendlily punches Scott's arm] waiting in line for the world's most super-sustainable, socially responsible, impossible-to-get sneakers!
[Scott shows the Wild Katz sneakers on the tablet.]
Scott: Yeah. For every one thousand pairs they sell, they take an endangered tiger on a [he flips to a video of a tiger skiing down a snowy hill] ski vacation.
Beta: Why would they even- whatever. Your next list item is…
[As Beta begins his calculations, Hailey and Scott cross their fingers and say in unison:]
Hailey: No bungee, no bungee, no bungee, no bungee, no bungee, no bungee…
Scott: Big money, big money, big money, big money, big money, big money…
Beta: Number 234: make a female friend.
Hailey: What? How's that even a list item? [she stands up] I already have plenty of female friends.
Scott: You do?
Hailey: Yeah. Like, uh, [she looks to some popsicle stick crafts of hers and of a girl named Sophie] well, Sophie.
Scott: From Squirrel Scouts? Hailey, she moved. Four years ago, to Luxembourg.
Hailey: Huh. Well, I guess we weren't the closest of friends.
[Scott thinks for a bit, then snaps his fingers and stands next to Hailey.]
Scott: Kristine! You should be friends with my girlfriend Kristine. Can you imagine? My best friend and my girlfriend Kristine hanging out together? All the time?
[Hailey imagines herself at a hat shop with Kristine. Hailey holds a huge load of hats. Kristine tries on an angled purple hat.]
Kristine: Hailey, this is mega important. Do you like it [she turns it to one angle] this way? [she turns it] This way? [she turns it] This way? [she turns it] This way? [she turns it] Or this way? Oh, this way. Or this way, or-
Hailey: Ugh! [she dumps the hats on the floor] How about this way?
[She seizes the hat and throws it out of one of the windows. It goes near some trees and comes back toward the store. It lands perfectly on Krisitne's head.]
Kristine: [squeals] I love it! [she pulls Hailey into a tight hug] You're the best, bestie!
[Cut back to Hailey's room.]
Hailey: I'm just worried Kristine and I might become too close, y'know? [she chuckles] I'll just go out and make a new friend. It'll be easy.
[Cut to a café, where Hailey holds up a long and impatient line while making conversation with the barista, who happens to be female. The barista pays her no attention.]
Hailey: Yeah. I mean, I, I love to sing. I also like building things, like birdhouses. That's when I feel the most like me, y'know? Yep, that is me to a T.
[The barista finishes labeling a coffee cup.]
Barista: Hot tea for Bailey. [she walks away]
Hailey: That's me, all right. Bailey. [she takes a sip]
[Outside, Hailey joins a group of people who are doing a running exercise. She is dressed for running ans wears a sweatband. She tries to converse with the girl in front of her.]
Hailey: [in between panting] Wow, she sure are running fast. Sweet hip pack, by the way. I mostly walk, sometimes skip.
[The runners go ahead of Hailey.]
Hailey: Oh, that was the warmup. [chuckles] Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. I'll just catch up with you later.
[She groans, then falls forward. Cut to a store called "NEVER 31". Hailey talks to a girl trying on clothes there.]
Hailey: Wow, that color is gorgeous on you.
Girl: [she fluffs her hair] Mm, you think?
Hailey: I wouldn't lie to you. Friends don't do that.
[Hailey's wristband beeps.]
Girl: I don't like it.
[She takes her large pile of clothes and hands it to Hailey.]
Girl: Do you carry it in blue?
Hailey: Oh.
[The girl walks away, and Hailey screams and falls over, dropping the clothes.]
Hailey: I don't work here.
[Cut to outside Hailey's house. Exhausted, she sits on the couch outside. She sighs. Scott and Beta join her.]
Hailey: Okay, this is harder than I thought.
[Her wristband beeps again.]
Beta: Look on the bright side: you made ten percent commission on that last one.
Hailey: What's wrong with me? Why can't I just find a girl to be my friend?
[They hear a voice from the next house over.]
Becker: Hey, so you guys might hear some loud cracking sounds over here, but that's just me trying out my sick new bullwhip. So no need to get the authorities involved, okay?
[She cracks the whip.]
Becker: Yes!
Hailey: Scott, your sister!
Scott: She'll be fine. At least it's nothing explosive.
Hailey: No, no, no. I could be friends with Becker. Sure, she's a year younger than me and has some peculiar interests…
[Becker strikes the whip again.]
Becker: Sweet!
Hailey: But we have lived next to each other pretty much our whole lives.
Scott: Yeah. I mean, honestly, she could use a friend not named Bonesaw. Or Buzzaaw. Or Chainsaw. Or Paul. Ugh, Paul is the worst.
[Becker strikes her bullwhip, and a small fire ignites and is sent upward, where it eases into smoke.]
Becker: [laughs] Victory!
Scott: Becker, was that the grill?
Becker: No. Maybe.
[Hailey makes a face. Cut to inside Scott's house. They approach the scuttle attic hole, where Becker's room is located. Hailey holds a Junior Classic Birdhouse kit. Scott pulls down the attic door and the two enter. A giant reptile moves about the room. Hailey shouts and holds Scott.]
Hailey: You know what? I think I changed my mind.
[She dives down from the room.]
Scott: No worries. I'll just call Kristine.
Hailey: [she reenters and climbs in] Actually, this will be fine.
[They walk past the components of the room, including a terrarium containing a large snake. They approach a purple revolving chair. Becker quickly turns in the chair. She holds a tarantula.]
Becker: What are you mulch bags doing in my room?
[Hailey approaches.]
Hailey: Oh, hey, Becker. Long time, no see. It's me, Hailey. Banks. You know, from living next door to you your whole life?
Becker: Well, if I'd known I was having [she releases the tarantula] company, I would've tidied up the place.
[Becker stands up, throws some nails at some open bear traps to trigger them, then kicks them under a table. Scott walks to Becker's side.]
Scott: Becker, Hailey needs to hang with you today, okay? Who knows, maybe you'll even become friends. And in exchange, I'll make sure they count the time against your [he winks] community service.
[Becker faces Hailey.]
Becker: I was gonna spend the day chucking some old tires off a cliff with Buzzsaw, but I guess I could clear my calendar.
Hailey: Great! I brought a Junior Classic Birdhouse kit for us to build together.
[Becker is visibly unimpressed. She takes the box off of Hailey's hands and walks ahead.]
Becker: Yeah, sounds cool.
[Scott pushes Hailey after her. Cut to outside the house, where they build the birdhouse.]
Hailey: Paint?
[Becker hands Hailey the can of pink paint.]
Becker: Paint.
[Hailey applies the paint with a paintbrush.]
Hailey: Sponge?
[Becker hands Hailey a sponge.]
Becker: Sponge. [she wipes Hailey's forehead with the sponge]
Hailey: Home Tweet Home decal?
Becker: Uh, yeah, this thing.
[Becker hands Hailey the sticker, which she places on the birdhouse in front of the entry hole.]
Becker: Is it perfect?
Hailey: It's absolutely perfect.
[Becker reaches down and grabs two pairs of safety glasses.]
Becker: Nice. Put these on. [she hands a pair to Hailey]
Hailey: [she puts on the glasses] What for?
[Becker backs herself and Hailey away from the birdhouse. She then pulls out a remote from in her pocket and presses the button on it. Just then, the birdhouse explodes, leaving behind smoke. The decal lands on Hailey's safety glasses. She peels it off, then removes the safety glasses, dumbfounded.]
Becker: Whoo! That was incredible! Who knew it'd be so much more satisfying to blow up something we worked really hard on? Thanks, Hailey! Maybe we really could be friends.
[Hailey's wristband beeps. The list item has been accomplished.]
Hailey: Okay, then. Thanks, Becker. You know what, you can keep the birdhouse. Or, you know, what's left of it.
[The remaining walls of the birdhouse lay on the table, on fire.]
Becker: So what are we blowing up tomorrow? Garbage? An old truck? An old garbage truck?
Hailey: Oh, sorry. No can do tomorrow. Scott and I are waiting in line to get some new Wild Katz. Rain check?
Becker: Wild Katz? I can get you those. You don't have to wait in line.
Hailey: Seriously?
Becker: Yeah, no problem. Bonesaw owes me a favor.
Hailey: Really? I would love a pair.
Becker: Say no more. I read you loud and clear. Friends take care of each other. [she clicks her tongue]
Hailey: Wow. Thanks, Becker.
[Cut to nighttime, then night fades into daytime. The outline of two pumas paces outside Hailey's house. Hailey wakes from her sleep, her hair already styled. Groggily, she reaches for her glasses, then rises from her bed. She opens her window and looks down to see the two pumas.]
Hailey: [she screams] Pumas! What in the-
[Her phone vibrates. She takes it from her pocket, and it is a voice recording from Becker.]
Becker: [over the phone] 'Sup, Hay-bales. Uh, still workin' on that nickname.
[One puma is now in the tree next to Hailey's house. It swings at one of her birdhouses.]
Becker: [over the phone] Anyway, I got you those wild cats you wanted. They're right outside your house.
[The puma grabs onto the birdhouse and falls to the ground with it.]
Becker: [over the phone] You are welcome.
[Hailey calls Scott. He answers his phone, still wearing a U.F. Dough sleep mask.]
Scott: Hello?
Hailey: [panicked] Your sister got me a present, Scott!
Scott: Happy birthday?
Hailey: No! She got me wild cats! But not the super-sustainable, socially responsible "teach a tiger how to ski" kind. She got those!
[Hailey points outside her window. One puma has bitten off a water pump. The other leaps onto a branch on the tree. Zoom in to Scott.]
Scott: Sweet buttery biscuits!
Hailey: I know! She must've thought I wanted real wild cats.
Scott: That's crazy! Even for Becker. How would she even get those?
Hailey: I don't know! She said her friend Bonesaw owed her a favor.
Scott: Bonesaw? [he gasps] He works at the nature reserve!
Hailey: Oh, no. But that does explain all those weird questions Becker asked.
[Flashback to the previous day, outside. Becker holds a list of questions for Hailey and talks to her.]
Becker: So, how many cats should I tell Bonesaw to wrangle? One? Three?
Hailey: Well, just a pair.
Becker: Two, right. And roughly the same size and color, or…
Hailey: Roughly? Exactly, actually. If not, it'd be kinda weird.
Becker: Got it. And how about tags? On or off?
Hailey: On, I guess?
Becker: Read you [she winks] loud and clear.
[End flashback. Hailey looks outside her window.]
Hailey: This is a disaster!
Scott: I know. And Becker's on very thin ice with my mom. One more screw-up and she said she's sending Becker to violin camp.
Hailey: Oh, no! That's the most smash-able instrument there is!
Scott: That's why we have to get those cats back to the nature reserve without anybody finding out! Or we'll all be in big trouble.
Hailey: I've got an idea.
[As the pumas approach, Hailey stands on the roof and lowers a piece of raw meat from a fishing rod.]
Hailey: It's working.
[She moves the meat toward a large-scale model house, and the pumas follow. They pounce for the meat, entering through the door of the model house. Scott comes from behind and shuts the door. One puma forces their arm through the window, knocking it out, and begins swiping outside. Scott falls to the ground from the sudden movement of the puma. While this happens, Hailey runs down from the roof and shimmies down the tree to meet Scott.]
Scott: Ah! Okay, now what?
[Hailey and Scott use a rope strung around the house, which is on top of a skateboard, to haul it up an asphalt hill. They pant and breathe heavily.]
Hailey: Of course they couldn't have put the nature reserve at the bottom of the hill.
Scott: [in between panting] Something tells me these cats aren't happy with their accommodations.
[The pumas continue to try to escape from the house. Hailey's phone rings, and she uses one hand to pick up the phone.]
Hailey: It's Becker!
[She answers the phone, and it goes to video.]
Becker: [over the phone] Hailey, I went to a lot of trouble to get you these Wild Katz, and you just [she shows a pair of damaged Wild Katz on her screen] chew them up? Why would you do that? I thought we were friends. And even if we weren't, it's super weird to eat sneakers, dude.
[Hailey and Scott stop hauling.]
Hailey: Wait, you got me sneakers?
Becker: [over the phone] Of course. We had a whole conversation about it.
Scott: But you said Bonesaw got them for you. He works at the nature reserve.
Becker: [over the phone] Huh? No, Bonesaw works at the Shoe Shack. Chainsaw works at the nature reserve.
Scott: Oh! Right, right, right.
[Hailey hangs up the phone and places it back inside of her pocket.]
Hailey: So these wild cats are…
[They let go of the ropes.]
Hailey, Scott: Actually wild?
[The house rolls down the hill. Hailey and Scott scream and run after it. They manage to jump onto the top of the house.]
Scott: [he panics] Nice kitty. This was all a misunderstanding.
[Hailey and Scott scream. The house is headed for some garbage disposal bins. They manage to swerve past, then they swerve past a pothole. Still screaming, they find themselves on a cliff rolling toward a tree. The house hits the tree and is destroyed, freeing the pumas. Hailey and Scott are propelled forward and gradually stop as their chins skid atop the ground. The pumas jump down and approach them. Hailey and Scott stand up. Hailey gasps and Scott screams. Cue the first scene at the beginning of the episode. As Hailey backs up, she causes a segment to crumple off and fall into the water. The ocean water ripples against the rocky escarpment.]
Hailey: [screams] Scott, I'm scared.
[Hailey and Scott hold each other.]
Hailey: What if this is the end?
Scott: Hailey, if this is the end, I'm glad I'm with you.
Hailey: Me too.
[The pumas continue to approach them. They roar. Hailey and Scott scream. Just then, the sound of a whip striking is audible. The pumas turn. Becker, wearing a hat and bearing the whip, jumps over the pumas and lands on the ground. She winks to Hailey and Scott.]
Becker: I got this.
[Becker directs her whip at the pumas, causing them to back up. Becker breaks a cliff caution sign in half with the whip. Afraid, the pumas run backwards. Hailey and Scott gasp. Becker continues until the pumas jump into an Oceanside Nature Reserve truck. Chainsaw shuts the doors.]
Becker: Thanks, Chainsaw.
[Chainsaw walks back to the other side of the truck. Scott and Hailey run to Becker.]
Hailey: Becker! I can't believe you did that!
[Becker turns to Hailey.]
Becker: And I can't believe you'd think I'd steal two live animals and give them to you as a pet. [she pauses] Although, now that I say it out loud, that would be pretty metal.
Hailey: Becker, I'm sorry I assumed the worst about you. You've actually been really nice and generous to me. You're a real friend. My real friend.
Scott: Yeah, and you're my real sister.
Becker: Was that even a question?
Hailey: And hey, [she puts her hand on Becker's shoulder] if you wanna hang out again sometime, I'd love to.
Becker: Huh. I read you [she winks] loud and clear.
Hailey: Cool. Now, if I'm not mistaken, I think it's time for Scott and I to get in line for some new sneakers. [she walks ahead]
[Hailey walks ahead, followed by Scott.]
Scott: You don't want the chewed-up ones?
Hailey: No.
Scott: I think they're kinda cool. You don't want shoes with toe vents?
Hailey: That's not a thing.
[Becker watches them walk into the distance. She removes her hat, and a gust of wind rustles through her hair.]
Becker: Whoa. Did you hear that, Chainsaw? She's totally into me. Someday, I'm gonna kiss Hailey Banks.
[Chainsaw gives Becker a thumbs-up. He and Becker are now inside the Oceanside Nature Reserve truck. Chainsaw starts the truck. He reverses into the repositioned cliff caution sign, again knocking off the top. He then drives onward. The landscape under the blue sky is visible.]
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